The Furniture Merge


After the apartment hunt is finally over, beating around the bush is a long-forgotten concept. So assessing each other’s belongings with brutal honesty is a natural next step.

You may find yourself hearing things like “It’s time for that Princess-Barbie vanity to find a home with a nice 13 year old”.

Or saying things like “If you even try to bring any of that fugly wicker furniture with you I’ll take it out back and set it on fire  with your weird tiki man collection.”

Don’t worry, this is a perfectly healthy way to go through the process of elimination.
In our particular case, this left us with absolutely nothing but two empty mattresses and some hurt feelings.

With a whole lot on “Go” list and virtually nothing to fill out the new place, the next task was ridding of the old and budgeting for the new!

One idea is to sell things off in the online garage sale known as Craigslist! It’s actually much easier than I thought. I received over 20 emails in only an hour when I posted two dressers and that “Princess-Barbie vanity”. Blatant proof of my great taste.

When a nice man came by to pick up all three pieces his wife claimed (clearly another of great taste), my boyfriend HAD to ask who they were for. The man responded with for his 11 and 13-year-old daughters.

My boyfriend gave a smug smile and and, “Yup.. Sounds about right.” So I knocked over his tiki man collection and pretended like it was an accident.

Serious and important tip about selling stuff on Craigslist:


Do not forget to empty one drawer. Or that nice man will have to drive back with a bag full of your lacy underwear and several pieces of a slutty Halloween costume you swore you never wore. You will feel ashamed and that sweet little family will definitely think of you as the freak they bought little-girl furniture from. There are a lot of weirdos on Craigslist. Don’t be one of them.

When the focus is on your other half’s belongings, move swiftly. Keep him on one task that will distract him, like a closet, while you do a sweep of the apartment, quietly and very considerately, trashing all things you never want see again.

Every two minutes or so you may hear, “Babe, come take a look at this.”

Only go everything fifth or sixth time or else you’ll spend the entire day hearing stories of his college days and looking at old pictures with awful haircuts. Some things just can’t be unseen and that lease is already signed so go at your own risk.

I’m still not ready to talk about some of the things I saw… Okay I’ll say it.. he had ROLLER BLADES!

I guess this is what they’re talking about when they say compromise. Make a deal. You both get one ridiculous item the other has to deal with. I chose my awesome personalized license plate from when I was obsessed with the movie “Almost Famous”  (the”Almost” with an “L” was taken) and my boyfriend got to keep one of his angry little tiki men with a face that looks like it’s crying really hard.

.8387907023e9bd1b_mail-22-1 They sit together in a corner of our new place. See compromise!

Other than that, starting fresh is the way to go. You’ll break the bank a little but when its all set up, both of you will think it was worth it.