The Shower Scene

8016558fa22e32e3_Irish_Spring_Orginal_Deodorant_Soap_20_Bars_copy.xlargeMaybe this is all men, or maybe it’s just the one I’m cohabitating with, but something happens when he steps into a shower that seems to make dirt just EXPLODE off of him.

The walls, shower door and even ceiling wind up splattered in dirt and the spot where he stands is perfectly marked by two black, foot-shaped smudges.

This is not an exaggeration; Scrubbing Bubbles and a bucket of bleach are no match for the kind of damage he’s done in a 10-minute rinse. Trust me, I’ve scrubbed.

If you’ve just moved in with a man,  kiss your pretty white towels and rugs goodbye and plan to do a lot of replacing.

You can save money if you learn what time the mail man comes to your new building. When all the boxes are open, do a quick run through and collect all your neighbors Bed Bath and Beyond 20% off coupons. You know everyone gets them.

Hopefully your situation won’t be so traumatic. I did pause to consider maybe this isn’t normal…
Someone should really do a study on the man who has only used bars Irish Springs soap everyday for the last 28 years.

It’s his shampoo, conditioner, body wash, deodorant, hand soap, probably detergent and I shutter to think what else.

In all seriousness, I actually worry. How he’s not growing bright orange hair and four leaf clovers all over his body is miraculous… or should I say lucky!

I understand you can get 40 bars for two dollars but… shouldn’t that in it’s self be a red flag?
Ok.. and I know this is just a weird pet peeve I have, but for whatever reason it drives me nuts when people brush their teeth in the shower.

I didn’t grow up doing it like some people and I just don’t buy the “saving water” line.
—you’ll be standing there brushing just as long as you would be by a sink but there a lot more water coming out of a shower head than a facet and I really doubt anyone’s turning it off between rinses.—

Anyway, the next thing I know I’m sharing a bathroom with a shower-brusher,  and I’m mostly just peeved that anytime I need the toothpaste I have to go reaching in the shower to find it.

Like any good girlfriend, I tried to change this habit.

I  learned my lesson when I spent the next week cleaning toothpaste spit off the mirror twice a day…splatter everywhere… like he can’t even lean over the sink a little!

Now I’m not going to pretend to be the perfect person to share with. I have a million creams for this, ointments for that and about 15 different products I’m told a bar of Irish Springs could take the place of….plus there was that self-tanner incident…

Week-1 of living together I spilled a bottle of the goopy, brown tanning lotion on the bathroom floor. I wiped it up using toilet paper then  threw the heap of dirty crumpled wads into the bathroom trashcan.

Not realizing how it might look, I came home later to find my boyfriend standing with his back pressed against the wall starring at the trashcan with a disgusted look, debating if he should ask me about it or pretend he doesn’t see a thing.

On going list of purchases to remain hygienic and limit awkward moments:
2 tubes of toothpaste
Windex for the mirror
Shower matt
2 more shower matts for back up
A towel rack
Organizers for under the sink
All products by Mr. Clean, Clorox and Lysol
A Swiffer Wet Jet
And a book called Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff to help me sleep at night.

As some incentive, I’m trying to think up a monthly prize for my boyfriend if he helps keep the bathroom clean.

I don’t have any ideas yet but for some odd reason he really  responds to anything shaped liked hearts, stars, clovers…horseshoes and blue moons!